Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
