someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
