apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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