You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
