how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
