i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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