i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
