no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
