then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
