You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
