physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
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Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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