His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Even my vagina gasped.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize