In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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