my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
