I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
