this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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