Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
