also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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