You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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