This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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