Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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