I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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