put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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