It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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