Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
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even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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