there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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