people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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