Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
