My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You are the jesus of drinking
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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