yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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