i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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