i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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