no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
