i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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