yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
