dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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