I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
