I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
