I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Randomize
