God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
