I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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