So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
why is half of my head shaved?
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