I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
