Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
