evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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