she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
