First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
