There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
