I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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