It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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