Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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