these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
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I think your husband is breaking up with me...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him