So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
