I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
zippers are such a cool invention
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
