New invention idea: vibrating tampons
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
