They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
