you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
