Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
