Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
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it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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