awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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