Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
where are my eyebrows?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
