She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
