Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
