I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
