How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dignity is for republicans.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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