Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
