I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
