She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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