I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
