so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
